Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
