I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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