I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
