Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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