WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
