So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
