a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
