I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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