yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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