I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
