I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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