Four minutes until I can fart!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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