It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
