I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
