I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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