Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
