Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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