That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
