I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
