on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
