he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
