bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
