i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
