Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
what day is it and did you see me today?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize