Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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