she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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