My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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