either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
