So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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