Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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