i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
