I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Houston, we have a blender
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
