my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
