I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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