You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
