FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
