Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
