maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can't special order awesome
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
