What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
