are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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