dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
