Kareoke will never be a sober sport
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina just recognized that song.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
