Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize