OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize