I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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