Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
