Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize