New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My pussy is not your playground.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
