Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
