So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
