I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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