11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
