I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
