I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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