I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
