I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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