I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
