God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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