I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
