just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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