Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
only you would photoshop your dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
