Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
