FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
