I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
