3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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