The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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