Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize