I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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