I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love you.
Bad choice
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