i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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